


Time

by raeyoumi



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Flashbacks, M/M, Out of Character, Rejection, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25918420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raeyoumi/pseuds/raeyoumi
Summary: Itaru should have known, he should have noticed. Banri was suffering, and yet he was still so bright. If only he had a little more time, he'd do anything to keep him beside him.Retracing memories used to hurt a little less.let's follow each other on twt!twt: @sunnraeee
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Settsu Banri
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning that this is VERY OUT OF CHARACTER! I just wanted to try and write angst in the form of an old work I found while rummaging through my laptop. Again, this is out of character and probably cringe-ish (in my standards), so you have been warned.
> 
> Also this is like in imagery-paragraph form, so little to no dialogue at all.

Retracing memories used to hurt a little less when he was still here beside him.

**Banri was like a rusty old box.**

You won’t know what was inside unless you open it. Some would say it’s just some old rusty material wrapped in cobwebs and dusts, while others would claim an antique was hidden beneath. Banri was exactly like that. As for Itaru—he didn’t know which one he was, but he knew the box wouldn’t be picked by others if it sat beside a golden, clean one.

Banri was mysterious, but there was something that made the other want to take a closer look. The first time they met, Itaru feared drowning in that fox-like grin of his. Banri was merely an egoistic child, one Itaru, for sure, wouldn’t get along with even if, in some alternative universe, they meet as classmates. The boy didn’t seem ordinary, and he wasn’t anything flashy, but that damn grin—he just couldn’t get it off of his mind.

Their first meeting wasn’t anything special, just two strangers getting along in a small arcade late at night. Itaru got off of work just in time to check out the new game installed, one he’s been looking forward to. Similarly, Banri was killing time in the arcade. He refused to go home for the meantime, got into a fight with his family he claimed. Itaru didn’t know at that time, but he wished he had forced him to explain more.

They eventually got into several friendly fights in-game, exchanging contacts before going home. A new friend achieved, quite strange having a delinquent as one but fun nonetheless. He wasn’t as bad as he seemed, and his grin sure was something.

How Itaru loved that playful grin.

**Banri was like the sea.**

There were those who feared getting close to the depths of the water, and there were those who enjoyed the sea breeze and water beneath their feet. Banri was just like the waves; sometimes calm, and sometimes a raging storm. He was never in between, never consistent, but he continued to flow.

Whether it was through their gaming sessions or little antics they often have in person, the boy was full of energy. Whatever challenges thrown at him, he would gladly accept them and, amazingly, win them. While hanging out with him, Itaru realized those rumors about the kid who smiles at violence was nothing more than just rumors.

How could he accept that when the one in front of him was smiling widely after getting a little toy from a simple crane machine? He was playful, childish even. A side Itaru assumed he only showed once in a blue moon. Banri was often a toughy who would boast about life being in ‘super ultra-easy mode’, but around him he was just… in normal mode.

Itaru enjoyed being with him, no matter how simple their interaction was. It seemed weird for a nerd in his early twenties to spend time with an eighteen-year-old gangster.

He still enjoyed being with him, despite all the stares.

**Banri was like a UR card.**

As dumb and nerdy as that sounded, Itaru always felt like his luck skyrocketed for meeting someone like him. Sure, he wasn’t very bright and he often got himself in fights he himself started, but by the end of the day he’d face Itaru with a wide, heartwarming grin. Even covered in bruises and scars that looked like would take weeks to heal, he would become a different person when with Itaru.

As much as he hated seeing Banri injured or covered in fresh scars, he loved spending his time treating the other's wounds. Banri sitted on his couch as a first-aid kit was sprawled across the table, used bandages disregarded and replaced. Itaru never really had a first-aid kit, but he figured to have one prepared since his crush was such a dumbass warfreak.

Despite all those wounds, the smallest of smile from him made him glow, just like some UR card. It was rare, a rare sight he wouldn’t show anyone else if they were around.

**Banri was a hurricane.**

All those fights, all those challenges, he didn’t take them simply to boast about winning all the time. As time passed by, Itaru realized that was what made Banri feel alive. Banri felt weaker than the ‘strong’ attitude he displayed most of the time. He just refused to let himself succumb to the feeling of weakness, to vulnerability.

And, to Itaru, there was nothing wrong with that. They were different in that sense, and yet very similar. Itaru, himself, would do anything to hide his past, weak self. He’d do anything to hide the real him, thus putting up a princely persona to hide the coward that he is.

Somehow, though, Banri was enough of a wild riot to break through his walls. He broke Itaru’s façade, met the side he’d carefully kept away from others, and accepted him wholely—not for pity, not for self-benefit, not for anything at all. He accepted him for who he was, without expecting something in return.

Banri was the first person to make Itaru feel all these emotions.

**Banri was more caring than anyone he had ever met.**

Itaru couldn’t even count how many times he had been taken care of by Banri, how many nights he stayed with him whenever his anxiety attacks began to start. He couldn’t count how many times this boy tucked him to bed after hours of crying, whispering sweet nothings until he fell asleep.

One would deny, but Banri was the sweetest person he’d ever met. Not recognizable at first, but he was gentle with Itaru. He remembers the first time he had gotten drunk, Banri coming over immediately to make sure he won’t stumble around and break things.

Whenever that would happen, Itaru would wake up with one hell of a headache and one sleeping body beside him. He would find Banri’s sleeping face a few inches from his, a warm blanket wrapped around both of them. Secretly, Itaru would take his time to admire his shut-eyed face, smiling to himself as he brushes a finger over the young man’s cheek—until he would eventually shift and start opening his eyes.

He could list more moments of when Banri had taken care of him, but that would go on forever.

**Banri was the velvet pink shade of dusk.**

He was a sight that made Itaru look forward to a new tomorrow. Itaru used to hate mornings, and, in fact, he still does; but he hated it a little less when he knows he'd be seeing the boy later that day. Banri was, as some might say, his reason to get out of bed.

He was the early morning gush of wind, trickling over his skin, calmly. It was as if all Itaru's worries didn’t exist, all negative thoughts were negated by just his voice. That honey-sweet voice, calling the other’s name. Banri had always called out his name with enthusiasm, always full of life.

Itaru remembers the times they would see each other; on the streets, in the park, or right outside Itaru’s apartment door. Sometimes, Itaru would even take the time to pick Banri up from his school, hearing that “Itaru-san!” as the boy approached him, full of excitement. They would walk home together.

He was oh so full of life, so hyper, and yet the only one who was successful in making Itaru feel at ease.

**Banri was like the night sky.**

The tranquil moon shining over his brown locks, stars reflecting in those purple eyes. The eyes he loved staring into, getting lost in a sea full of mysteries. Itaru loved spending his nights with the young boy, standing outside the balcony together, looking up at the night sky and just… talking about anything that comes to mind.

Banri loved the stars, and Itaru loved the stars in his eyes. The way his mouth would form a smile whenever he would find a constellation, pointing up and telling Itaru which was above them. He loved it when he would find himself chuckling at every bundle of sentences from the younger one.

Itaru loved hearing him talk, even the unexpected words, the unfamiliar feeling that formed inside him. The way Banri compared him to the moon; that through every phases and faction, he would stay and stare at him—that Banri would love him even if the night sky was nothing but stars, that he would stay and wait for the moon. For his moon, his Itaru.

Itaru fell in love. He had always been in love.

**Banri was the warmth he needed in winter.**

He was the one who kept him intact when all else was a hurricane. Banri gave him protection, warmth, when the world weighed him down. Banri hugged him warmly, keeping Itaru together whenever he started giving up on himself.

Itaru vividly remembers all the assurance Banri gave him when everything seemed to crumble apart, the self-hatred that had always haunted him like ghosts started to disappear. Every ounce of empty feeling was replaced by warmth.

Itaru did love his warm hugs, his warm touches.

**In a field full of flowers, Banri was his favorite.**

Itaru remembers that day they decided to spend their hours in a garden full of fresh flowers. It wasn’t a fancy field, it was an area they had found by the forest. The flowers weren’t the usual roses or calla lilies books and movies would present; they were small, field flowers—but seeing them altogether was a sight better than any rose.

Those flowers weren’t Itaru’s favorite that day though, for the boy he held hands with as they walked was his prized flower. Fingers intertwined, hands locked as their steps were light. He loved seeing his reflection in those alluring purple eyes, the ones he’d happily get lost in.

That was the day Itaru had confessed to him.

Heart beating in nervousness, cheeks flushed as he admitted his feelings for him. He admitted he had fallen for the teenage neighborhood gangster, his tall-ass dummy who always took care of him. He fell in love with Banri, Settsu Banri.

… but did Banri love him back?

Slowly, their fingers slipped away from each other. The other him reflected in Banri’s eyes held an expression of being frightened, worried rather. Slowly, Banri closed his eyes, and he couldn’t see his reflection anymore.

_“I’m sorry, Itaru-san.”_

He was his first heartbreak.

Perhaps he took Banri’s kindness for granted, too love-deprived that he confused himself with the ‘signals’ the other emitted. Perhaps he was simply living in his own little fantasy that the person he adored shared the same feeling, the same old scenario that happened when he was still young. Perhaps he wasn’t the one, that Itaru wasn’t the one Banri wanted.

Perhaps he was this gravitational pull, and Itaru let himself fall deeper and deeper until he reached rock bottom. Did Banri feel anything for him?

Perhaps he didn’t love him back at all.

Banri was an artwork, a beautiful painting he dared not to touch.

His hues, his colors, his texture; he was a breathtaking masterpiece, Itaru was scared he’d ruin with just a simple brush of a finger. He would just stare, that was all he could do. From a distance, Itaru would just stare.

He remembers the moments Banri had tried to contact him, to try and reach him through his phone or even coming to his office. Was it worth the pain sticking around Banri? No, he wasn’t avoiding him to save himself—rather, he didn’t want to hurt Banri with his selfishness.

Itaru needed a little more time, just a little more until he could move on from him. Itaru had bothered the young boy more than he should; he needed to start fighting his battles alone. He didn’t want to taint him.

Itaru _needed_ a little more time.

_If only Banri had a little more time._

Banri was all these things, and more. Itaru couldn’t believe he could love someone so much, that he would choose to trade his life for his. What he'd do to have his eyes open again, to see his reflection in his purple eyes. What he'd do to see that damn grin on his face. Banri was everything, until he was nothing.

It was last winter, at dusk, when Itaru received a call. Banri was admitted to the hospital at night, the night when Itaru once again ignored his calls. He didn’t know—there were signs, but all was denied by Banri. He shouldn't have ignored them.

 _Bronchial asthma_. One night, Banri’s lungs started to swell and narrow; he was having a hard time to breathe and was quickly brought to the hospital. Once dusk came, he took his final breath. If only Itaru knew. That day he met him at the arcades, he ran from his home after finding out about his condition. He refused to be admitted for medication and check-ups, opting to start picking fights to run away from the idea of dying. He wanted to feel alive, because he knew he was dying.

Banri was the stars, the moon. Banri was the night sky; he was the whole night sky. Always so bright and full of light, but far away for him to reach.

Itaru held close a rusty old box Banri left behind for him, one simple note inside read;

_I love you too, Itaru-san._


End file.
